An Interview With A Rubberman
by TamyG
Summary: A lighthearted story filled with the Mugiwaras' randomness, and lots of Crocodile teasing!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: One Piece is the work of the genius Eiichiro Oda, and I own nothing except the plot and Ta-chan.**

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"NO WAY!" Luffy refused profoundly.

"Oh c'moooon! Please!" Ta-chan begged.

"I'm a pirate! Pirates don't do interviews!" Luffy replied stubbornly with crossed arms.

"Oi, Luffy! A man shouldn't treat a lady like that!" Sanji shouted at his captain, and then with heart-filled eyes he added, "You can interview me, Taaaa-chwaaaan~"

"Stupid Cook..." Zoro muttered bleakly.

"What did you say, stupid Marimo?!" Sanji sneered at the samurai.

"What? Wanna fight?!" Zoro spat back as he grabbed the hilt of his swords.

"Aaah aah...What will I do with all the _meat _and _sake_? It's such a waste!" Ta-chan sighed as she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.

"MEEEEEEEEEAT!" Luffy cried out with a drooling mouth.

"Aaah! This is some seriously good sake!" Zoro remarked after he had a mouthful of the sake that Ta-chan mentioned.

"Waaaah! How did he get to the sake so fast?" Ta-chan exclaimed in amusement.

"Did you bring any cola?" Franky asked.

"Yup! It's next to the sake." Ta-chan replied cheerfully.

"Ta-chan is Suuuperrrrrrr~" Franky grinned excitedly.

"Riiiight? So how does that interview sound like now?" Ta-chan grinned at Luffy.

"Nnnmmmmmn nnmnnnnnnnn!" Luffy said with his mouth full of meat.

" 'Of course! Ta-chan is the best!' he says." Chopper translated.

"Oi, Luffy! Don't talk to a lady with your mouth full!" Sanji scolded, "And you, Chopper, how in the hell did you understand that!"

"Well, Chopper talks animal language." Usopp commented thoughtfully.

"How does that... Oh, on a second thought, he does act like a monkey." Sanji retorted in acknowledgment.

"Interesting theory!" Robin chuckled.

"Oiiiii! Who are you calling a monkey?!" Luffy shouted angrily at Sanji.

"Young lady, may I see your panties?" Brook asked as he bowed to Ta-chan elegantly.

SMACK

"You perverted skeleton!" Nami snapped as she hit Brook with her fist, "Sorry, Ta-chan. They are just a hopeless group of idiots."

"Naaah! You are all quite interesting!" Ta-chan grinned, "I'm so glad I can interview you!"

"You are the interesting one, Ta-chan." Nami replied with a smile, "You have a unique appearance!"

"That sun-kissed skin! Those golden eyes! Those long, brown locks! And that SEXY body! Ta-chwaaan, the Sun Goddess!" Sanji described enthusiastically.

"Hehehe. Sanji you are exaggerating!" Ta-chan laughed timidly, "I come from a pretty hot and sunny country, on the Asian continent of the Real World."

"Real World? Sorry, never heard of it." Nami apologized.

"It's okay! It would have been quite surprising if you did!" Ta-chan chuckled.

"Is it like Albasta?" Robin asked, "I got pretty tanned there, like you."

"Yah, exactly! It is like Albasta, except much more advanced." Ta-chan replied happily.

"Did anyone say Albasta?" A deep voice asked.

"Crocodile!" Ta-chan called out with sparkly eyes.

"Wani!" Luffy shouted as he waved a piece of meat, "Come have sake!"

"Oiiii Luffy, don't invite others to share my sake!" Zoro sneered as he hugged the sake barrel.

"Why are you being so friendly with that bastard?" Usopp asked anxiously.

"USOPP! Don't say that about Crocodile-sama!" Ta-chan shouted angrily.

"Eeeeh! Samaaaaa?!" Usopp exclaimed unbelievably.

"He saved Ace." Luffy said, explaining his changed attitude toward Crocodile.

"And Luffy's twice!" Ta-chan elaborated with a pout.

"I didn't!" Crocodile denied profoundly.

"Yes you did!" Ta-chan frowned.

"Why would he do that?" Nami asked, voicing out Robin's thoughts.

"Yah, why would I?" Crocodile retorted with a crooked eyebrow.

"Eh... why? Erm... because he likes Luffy!" Ta-chan finally managed to answer as she pointed at Luffy.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!" Everyone cried in unison.

"You idiot! What are you saying?!" Crocodile spat with a flushed face.

"Aaah I didn't mean it in that way!" Ta-chan pleaded in embarrassment.

"Croc-man! You like that kid?! You really are trying to make me jealous!" Doflamingo's voice suddenly interrupted, adding fuel to the already wild fire.

"Oh you shut up!" Crocodile sneered at the feathered man.

"Aha." Robin suddenly acknowledged Ta-chan's explanation.

"Robin…what does that 'Aha' means?" Nami asked curiously.

Robin waved for Nami to come closer, and started whispering in her ear.

"Waaaah! Nami-swaaaaaan and Robin-chwaaaaaaaaan you two look so…" Sanji exclaimed but trailed off as he passed out from his nosebleed.

"Sanjiiiiiiiiiii~" Chopper cried out as he ran to aid the fallen man, "Hang in there!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeeh!" Nami suddenly shouted once Robin was done whispering, "You mean he never! No even once!" She then looked at Crocodile and said, "You never?!"

"Never what?!" Crocodile asked with confusion written all over his face.

"Four years next to such a beautiful and alluring woman, yet…." Nami insinuated.

"Of course he never!" Doflamingo retorted confidently, and then added with a grin, "He has me!"

Sudden realization fell upon Crocodile, as he finally understood what they meant, "Stupid bird! Stop starting rumors! And you Nico Robin, stop flattering yourself! Didn't it cross your mind that you might not be my type?"

"What?! All of this is not your type?" Nami said as she pointed at Robin's breast and curves.

"Eh, Nami…" Robin mumbled sheepishly.

"Maybe you prefer that?" Nami continued as she pointed at Ta-chan.

Ta-chan looked down at her breast, and blushed wildly as she said, "Well I'm sorry if my boobs are rather normal compared to yours!"

"Cheh! Yah maybe I do!" Crocodile replied with a scowl.

"Ahahhahahahahahahahaha~ Interesting!" Luffy laughed at the commotion.

"Really? You do?" Ta-chan asked with hopeful eyes.

"Eeeeh…" Crocodile backed out as he realized what he just did.

"On a second thought… Crocodile-sama, why do you have your right ear pierced?" Ta-chan asked suspiciously.

"Why do you ask?" Crocodile retorted.

"Hmmm… In the Real World, we call it the 'Gay Ear'" Ta-chan sighed.

"…."

"Crocodile…I'm sorry." Robin apologized.

"What the hell are you apologizing for?! You worthless idiots! In my world this means nothing!" Crocodile sneered, and then raised his hand, "Next you would tell me wearing rings is gay too!"

"Erm… Well actually, I was wondering why your ring finger was the only one missing a ring." Ta-chan replied nervously.

Crocodile stared at Ta-chan incredulously, and then stormed toward Zoro, "Give me that!" He pulled one of the sake barrels and chugged it down.

"Ahahahahahahaha~ Wani I never knew you were so interesting!" Luffy laughed as he pointed at Crocodile.

"Cheh! Worthless brats!" Crocodile mumbled under his breath.

"Crocodile-sama! I'm sorry!" Ta-chan squealed apologetically.

"You stay away from me!" Crocodile frowned at Ta-chan.

"Ok…" Ta-chan pouted and sat next to Nami.

"Don't worry, don't worry." Nami patted the girl in encouragement, "Don't you have an interview to start?"

"Yes!" Ta-chan replied cheerfully.

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**A/N: This was pretty fun to write. I love teasing Croco *hearts***

**I do hope you enjoyed it.**** And don't forget to leave a review. Believe it or not, but reviews make me write more and faster!**  



	2. Chapter 2

**A/n: I can't believe that Crocodile has a quite decent fan-base! I'm so glad that many had read this for Crocodile. Love you all! Hope you enjoy this and don't forget to leave a review! *sparkly eyes***

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"So." Ta-chan promptly declared as she stood in front of Luffy.

"Hmm nmm?" Luffy replied with a stuffed mouth.

"Oh, c'mon! You've been eating for the past hour!" Ta-chan pouted angrily.

"Ok, ok..." Luffy replied as soon as he swallowed the last bit of meat in his mouth.

"Finally! So the first question is..." Ta-chan said mischievously, "Do you have or expect any romance in your life?"

"Romance, huh?" Luffy repeated as he rubbed his chin, and then he grinned, "Of course I do have romance in my life!"

"Wooh! Really?" Ta-chan squealed excitedly.

"Usopp! Let's show her romance!" Luffy announced as he jumped up from his sitting position and onto his feet.

"Aye, aye Captain!" Usopp replied with two thumbs-up.

"Eeeeeeeh! You and Usopp?!" Ta-chan cried in disbelief.

Without a word, the two boys ran off and disappeared into the cabin.

"What are those two up to?" Nami sighed with her arms crossed against her chest.

"What are you looking at?!" Crocodile scoffed at Robin.

"Poor Crocodile." Nami remarked, once again voicing out Robin's thoughts.

"What? Why…?" Ta-chan wondered as she looked at Crocodile, then Nami, and then Robin, and finally once again back at Crocodile she exclaimed in realization, "Oooh!"

Crocodile looked at Ta-chan and frowned, "Poor Crocodile? Oooh? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I know how unrequited love feels… you poor thing." Ta-chan vaguely replied.

"Unrequited what?" Crocodile repeated in disgust, "This nonsense is making my sake taste bad."

"YOUR sake?!" Zoro exclaimed with one erected eyebrow.

"Got a problem with that?" Crocodile hissed with a threatening tone.

"Now, now, calm down both of you. There's enough sake that could drown a whole island." Ta-chan joked nervously as she tried to cool down the mood.

"You stay out of this. I'm more tempted to kill you than him." Crocodile sneered at Ta-chan.

"What have I done to deserve this?!" Ta-chan pouted.

"Oh, for showing me the world of love." Crocodile replied while wearing a smile that sent a shiver down Ta-chan's spin.

"O-ok...then why did you help Luffy?" Ta-chan stammered stubbornly, and ultimately ignoring Crocodile's murderous vibes.

"He just happened to be in my way." Crocodile hissed at the once again brought up subject. "And do you honestly think he can die? Mugiwara is like a cockroach with nine lives."

"You mean a cat..." Ta-chan whispered with a pout.

"No. He's definitely as resilient as a cockroach." Crocodile replied firmly.

"Hmmm... a catroach..." Zoro mumbled thoughtfully as he took a sip of the sake.

"Exactly. Catroach." Crocodile nodded in agreement.

"What's that? Is it tasty?!" Luffy's excited voice promptly interrupted.

"Wooh! Luffy!" Ta-chan cried as she pointed at the Captain of the Mugiwara pirates.

"Nyaa hahhahahahahaha~" Luffy laughed proudly with a puffed chest, "You asked for romance! This is romance, right, Usopp?"

"Hell yaaaah!" Usopp agreed enthusiastically with his captain.

"So coooooooool!" Chopper exclaimed with starry eyes.

"Suuuuperrrrrrrrr~" Franky interjected in agreement.

"Luffy-san, we look like twins now! Yohohohoho~" Brook remarked as he wrapped an arm around Luffy.

"Right? Aahahahahahahahahaa~" Luffy laughed.

"Haaaaaaah?!" Ta-chan shouted, almost fainting at the shock of her misunderstanding and wild imagination.

"What's wrong, Ta-chan?" Nami asked with a chuckle, "Honestly, what were you expecting?"

"Definitely NOT an AFRO!" Ta-chan sighed in disappointment, "How is that romantic?"

"Eeeeeeeh!" Luffy and Usopp exclaimed in disbelief. Luffy then pointed at his afro and countered, "How is it not?!"

"You honestly thought that Luffy likes Usopp?" Nami teased.

"Aahahahah..." Ta-chan laughed sheepishly, and rubbed the nap of her neck. "Well you and Robin were are like, 'Poor Crocodile' and stuff!"

"You've got an interesting way of thinking, Ta-chan. It was hard not to tease you." Robin chuckled.

"Typical." Crocodile snorted in disgust.

"If anyone gets the Croc, it's me." Doflamingo stated before dodging a swinging hook that followed his remark.

"Cheh…" Crocodile interjected for missing his shot.

"Ok, ok. It was an honest mistake." Ta-chan tried to patch up her misunderstanding.

"What mistake? I do like Usopp." Luffy grinned.

"He is a hopeless case you know. Why don't you head to the next question?" Nami encouraged Ta-chan.

"Hmm... Yah I guess so." Ta-chan nodded, "So, Luffy. You ate the Gomu Gomu Fruit, which makes your whole body as elastic as a rubber right?"

"Yup!" Luffy nodded proudly.

"Well, is it really your _whole_ body?" Ta-chan stressed, and then pointed at Luffy's pants, "Even there?"

Luffy blinked as he followed the direction that Ta-chan was pointing at, and laughed, "You mean my ****?"

"Eeeeh! Ta-chaaaan! Are you serious?!" Nami shrieked.

"Yah?" Ta-chan replied anxiously, almost regretting her question.

"Of course it is!" Luffy exclaimed and then pulled the waistband of his pants, "Wanna see?"

"HELL NO!" Nami shrieked at the top of her lungs, "Ta-chan sto… Ta-chaaan?"

"She seems to be entranced." Robin remarked.

"And what about you?!" Nami pointed at Robin, "Stop our idiot Captain."

"Why?" Robin asked passively.

"Whaaaaat? What do you mean why? You want to see his….his…" Nami tried to argue but trailed off.

"Of course, don't you think it's interesting?" Robin chuckled at the idea.

"NOOO! I DON'T!" Nami cried out.

"She always was the curious one." Crocodile commented curtly.

"Saaanji. Help meee!" Nami cried for the fallen man, who jumped back to life at the sound of his name coming from Nami's lips.

"Namiiii-swaaaaaan~" Sanji squealed, "Your knight is her!"

"Stop Luffy!" Nami order profoundly.

"Oiiiii Luffy! What are you doing to my Nami-swaaaaan?!" Sanji demanded.

"Ahahahahahahaaaaa~" Luffy laughed, "Ta-chan wants to see if my **** is stretchable."

"Oh, is it really stretchable? I've seen it many times but it never crossed my mind." Sanji remarked thoughtfully, and then added, "But not in front of the ladies!"

"Wait, does that mean that Crocodile's can turn into sand?" Usopp asked curiously.

"Reeeally? Does it?" Ta-chan insisted enthusiastically, snapping out of her entranced state.

"Ok that's it." Crocodile declared as he raised his intact hand and hissed, "Sables!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAH~"

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**A/N: So I'm not really sure if I'm going to write another chapter for this. What do you think, would you like some more?**


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